A lot was happening in my life from the day I conceived. Exhaustion, my first name.
While I was travelling overseas, my mind was constantly battled with my armoured intuition.. conversing about how I would tell my loved ones but most of all.. the WORLD? Expectation, arson to my thoughts.
Why did I feel like I had to? Like I had to make a huge announcement? Like I had to address people about my personal life… until I ignited my own fire that was well overdue to be lit.
I never had to.
There has to be so much gratitude for life when your pregnant. The reckless choice of optimism, of expectancy, of the unknown. As the world changed daily, my dreams adapted like rivers running new courses. I could make this journey just the way I wanted. An offering to start again. Defiance of expectation was my new mantra.
I was loving pregnancy
My birth plan was battle drawn, in which anything other than a healthy child was all I knew – traditions over technology seemed laughably outdated. My pregnancy books, melodious in my wishes of nurture and self-care for mummy – of hopes to sleep deeply while my womb rocked constantly, feeling that insistent vibration of life.
She blasted my inner body with love-felt bruises and had attached to my heart pulling it with an endless amount of warmth.
She was coming.
Retreating to my cocoon was where my comfort lay. As she would kick and wriggle, oblivious to the shifting world outside, she was my courage, my good humour.
The womb is our solace amongst mounting uncertainty.
Pregnancy found me… a selfless me. It developed me. I’ve become her, who I’ve longed to be. Creating this course to suit no one other than me, led me right to the finish line alongside the everyone else.
Normality is expired, your way will lead you to the end.
Ode to Pregnancy – Tessa